It’s hard to enjoy the life Allah swt blessed you with if you constantly have your family breathing down your neck over you being unemployed. That is why I turned away from them when it comes to how I choose to run my life. My strategy for living my life is up to me. I am not fazed by what they have to say about my lifestyle anymore. Alhamdulilah.

In the past, I was constantly concerned about how my friends and family perceived me. Now that I’ve taken the time to truly be alone with myself, I am less impressionable. I know what I want from life. I have expectations of myself, and I pray that Allah swt helps fulfill them. It also helps that I have spent some time in khalwa, which means spending solitary time with God. One thing I learned during this time is separating my self-concept from the ideas of myself that people have implanted in me since I was a child. The people you surround yourself with will never fail to voice their opinions about you and how you should live your life, particularly your family.

My parents treat me as though I have no mind of my own, especially my mother. I think them raising me from nothing and changing my diapers from ye old has something to do with how they currently treat me. They have little respect for my own self-agency. I think that, for the most part, their treatment of me also has to do with me staying in their house without contributing to the finances. The reason why I don’t pay the bills, dear reader, is because I choose to not go outside and work a job that will make me miserable. I did it before, and I almost died. These days, my mom tries to reason with me by saying that jobs are temporary and that I should just focus on getting money, but I beg to differ. I think people like to dismiss and understate the emotional and psychological toll it takes on a person to spend hours everyday at a place they don’t enjoy being in.

Allah swt has placed an amanah in my hands, and that is my body and my mind. I will never put any of them at risk, no matter who or how many people look at me like I’m a blockhead. The kind of jobs that are offered to people like me (and when I say people like me, I mean: black, muslim, woman) are trifling and inconsequential. I loathe how most humans have to work to survive, but, we have to get by somehow.

The reason why I started this blog was to have somewhere I genuinely like being on the internet. These days, the places I used to enjoy being in (like YouTube, and TikTok) is rife with ads and people who want to sell you something. I also studied English at university, and since that chapter of my life is now over, I knew I needed to create a place where I could freely and constantly write. I also knew that I always desired to help at least one person with my writing, even if that person is myself.

I’ve been thinking of ways to make money from the poems, articles, and the short stories I write every month on You Are Not Here for You. In case you didn’t know, people monetize their blogs by plastering ads on them. I never want my readers to consume counterproductive content, which is why this blog will never have any ads. I’m considering starting a newsletter to get paid for my writing. This blog is going to stay free for you to read, dear reader, so don’t fret. You’re still going to have access to the articles I write every week. But, I think it’s about time I start getting paid for what I write.

I wish this weren’t the kind of advice I was giving out, dear reader, but if the job market out there doesn’t have anything you like doing, then don’t participate in it as much as you possibly can. If you know the work you’re doing doesn’t please Allah swt and doesn’t please you, then why should you make yourself suffer? This advice doesn’t apply to everyone, because people are different and some people are in incredibly rough positions and they *must* work. If you are that kind of person, and you genuinely need to stick with your miserable and mundane job to survive, then I’d like to tell you to hang in there! Allah swt promised us many eases to come with every hardship we face in life. I pray that you keep having faith in a time that will come where you don’t have to suffer. Ameen.

Excuse this detraction, but I’ve begun to normalize doing one nice thing for my mother whenever I eat the meals she cooks, and it’s kissing her on the forehead and saying: Jazak’Allahu Khairan for the meal. If I were asked to kiss my mom on the forehead a while back, I would’ve felt very uncomfortable. My family’s not the feely-weely type. We’re not in the habit of openly talking about our feelings, and we don’t say I love you and such to each other. Why am I even mentioning this? I’m genuinely not trying to brag and say “OOOOH look at me! I’m such a filial muslim daughter to my mother.” I just want you to start doing one thing that makes your mother feel more appreciated.

When I first started the habit of kissing my mom on the forehead after finishing my meals, I felt a lot of discomfort. It was weird. It was something I’ve never done before. What drove me to even start the habit in the first place was my constant thinking of death and how I’m not promised to eat another meal prepared by her hands. I wanted her to know: I love you and I appreciate you and I know we piss each other off sometimes but nothing will replace our connection. I don’t think a kiss on the forehead communicates all of that, but at least it communicates the fact that I see and appreciate her efforts.

فِي أَمَانِ اللَّهِ