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One day, I’ll leave this house. I want that day to be peaceful. I want to leave this place in peace. I don’t want to hold a grudge against my father for taking the wifi out every time I disagreed with him or didn’t do what he wanted me to do. I can’t explode on him because of how he treated me in the past. The past is in the past. I must look at the present and sow great expectations for the beautiful future that Al Rahman has in store for me. I’ll go to a place where nobody can take the wifi out. In that place, my mother comments won’t follow me. She won’t ask me: “where will you find a place where you can eat and sleep freely?” She wouldn’t ask me that question anymore because that space will be my own.

That day will come. Sooner or later, it’ll happen. I will leave this house. I won’t leave on bad terms. I will leave for the sake of Allah, just as I am now staying here for the sake of Allah. I must believe in that day. It will happen because I said so, and because I say “Insha’Allah.” Until that day comes, I must hold on. I must be patient. I can’t allow patience to place me in a placated position, so I therefore must constantly prepare myself for the day that will come. I must get rid of thinking how my father is the worst man I’ve ever interacted with. I can’t give in to the negative thoughts I have constructed of him. That’d be too easy, making him the villain.

I can already see the place I’m going to. It’s spacious, and quiet, and me. It’s me. That place is currently within the scope of my imagination, but it will manifest itself into being the life I will be living very soon. Insha’Allah, it’ll happen when everything is okay. I will leave for that place not from a place of utter joy or chaos or fear or sadness, but out of pure moderation. It’s located in a beautiful city that is the product of moderation. I pray that the Most Merciful guides me to take the good actions that will propel me to leave for that place. Ameen.

I can’t lose my mind just yet. I can’t afford to let everything go. Not yet. Not in this life. I have questions I need the answers to. I need answers that can only be provided by Al-Ahad. I want to meet As-Samad under great circumstances, so I must tread the path that is most pleasing to Him. That path is called the straight path, and I pray Allah swt makes me the kind of person who can bear the necessary burdens that come with walking on the straight path. Ameen.

فِي أَمَانِ اللَّهِ