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The exhaustion finally caught up to me, alhamdulilah. These days, I have this nasty habit of checking my phone as soon as I open my eyes. I think this newfound habit has something to do with a madman threatening to end an entire civilization. May Allah swt protect the ummah from the disbelievers. Ameen. Anyways, my doom mindset is again finding its way back to me because of all the negativity my eyes and ears have been consuming from the news. Which makes me ask: when has the death of innocent people across the world just become “negativity” that I consume? Subhan’Allah. I think a part of me is so detached from everything that’s happening. I don’t want to feel separate from the suffering of humanity anymore.
I don’t want to be so detached because it’ll lead me to just shutting everything off. These days, it’s incredibly easy to indulge ourselves with self-love content and to just block out the cries of our oppressed brothers and sisters around the world. I don’t want to be an apathetic person. I don’t want to be out of loop with the atrocious acts of terror happening around the world. But, I don’t know… wouldn’t it affect me? wouldn’t the constant watching of death and murder and rape and mutilation make me an eternal cynic and pessimist? wouldn’t keeping track with the death tolls make me hate humans even more? how can I protect myself from those negative states of being and also not shield myself from bad news? does anyone have the answer to this?
I don’t yet have the answers to the questions I just raised. I pray that Allah swt helps me and people who find themselves in a situation similar to mine find the truth and the best path to take. Ameen. Which reminds me: when we recite surah Al-Fatiha everyday, we ask Allah to guide us to the straight path. I think this ayah that we recite everyday (which is actually a du’a) might be a cursor to the answer of how to navigate the political climate we find ourselves in. The straight path is a path that is treaded by people whom Allah swt has blessed; and, what is better than trekking a path that has been designed by the Creator of the heavens and the earth for those He blessed? Alhamdulilah.
Does this mean that people who walk on the straight path are immune to sadness over the death and devastation of the state of the world? No. I don’t think so. I think we humans can never escape the feeling of pain and hunger and loneliness and sadness. In fact, I think it has been conditioned for us to experience in this world. Allah swt says:
وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَىْءٍۢ مِّنَ ٱلْخَوْفِ وَٱلْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍۢ مِّنَ ٱلْأَمْوَٰلِ وَٱلْأَنفُسِ وَٱلثَّمَرَٰتِ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ ٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ ١٥٥
ٱلَّذِينَ إِذَآ أَصَـٰبَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌۭ قَالُوٓا۟ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّآ إِلَيْهِ رَٰجِعُونَ ١٥٦
We will certainly test you with a touch of fear and famine and loss of property, life, and crops. Give good news to those who patiently endure—
who say, when struck by a disaster, “Surely to Allah we belong and to Him we will ˹all˺ return.”
The Qur’an. Translated by Dr. Mustafa Khattab, Quran.com, https://quran.com/2/156-157
So, Alhamdulilah. No matter what happens, or who kills who, or how many people die, or who wins the war, or who becomes the next global superpower, the believer must turn back to Allah. Surely, to Allah we belong, and to Him we will all return. It’s very comforting to say that. Alhamdulilah. It reminds me that everyone will be held accountable by Allah swt for what they did or didn’t do on this planet while they were alive. I pray that we don’t incur His wrath for our acts. Ameen.
I think the best part about being a Muslim is the fact the I can put the entirety of my love and trust and effort into Allah, KNOWING that I would never be disappointed with the results. Alhamdulilah.
I love Allah too much to disrespect my parents. I love Allah so much that I seek refuge in him from depression. I love Allah so so so much, that I always turn to him whenever I’m happy or sad or exuberant or whatever. I got distracted over the last few days, and as a result, I’ve put my effort into writing for people. I promoted my soon-to-release newsletter and I tried to force the eyes of people onto it. I feel disappointed with myself for doing that.
My goal in life is to do everything for the sake of Allah, and to remove any shirk-y elements that are present in my life, including my latent thinking that people can provide me with abundance and security. These qualities rest with God alone; only He can provide me with the love and the strength and the abundance and the security that I crave. Only Allah swt has what I need. That is why I always choose Him, azza wa jal. Since I’m only human and can find myself distracted by the world, I have conditioned myself to always return to Allah swt. I know that the answer(s) lies with Allah swt.
Everything I’m meant to earn in this lifetime is already known by Allah, and I don’t want to be the type of person who forces her way to her provision. I think there’s this mindset that is rife with people my age these days, and it’s that they need to work ten times harder and faster to prove that they’re worth it. When I say “it,” I mean the grandeur and the money and the power and to be listened to by other people and to be loved and adored and respected, etc. It’s sad. I don’t want that. I don’t want to run this race of trying to prove my worth to other humans. I know I’m worthy because of the fact that I’m here. I exist, and for that reason alone, I believe I don’t have to force my way into proving my worth. Alhamdulilah.
I’ve been doing this public speaking thing these days through my podcast. Oh! And just so you know, I changed the podcast name to “Tuesdays with Umulkhair.” It is available on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. I love Tuesdays, but I don’t love speaking, so… I think they cancel each other out. I have a sneaky feeling that I’ll die on a Tuesday, but… only Allah knows. If I do, I’ll be glad. If not, I’ll still be glad. Either way… I’m glad that we’re all going to die and return to Him, insha’Allah. I can’t wait for this to be over. I have such good expectations of my Lord that I can’t help but joyously wait to see the Jannah he made for me and for the believers. I don’t know what to expect other than what’s been described of it in the Qur’an, but I know it’ll exceed my expectations. Insha’Allah we all get there, dear reader. Ameen.
I know that my efforts will be for naught if I just focus on people and how to extract their favour from them. At the end of the day, we should be focused on Allah and we should be constantly aware of him. It’s only this kind of person who wins in the end. The god-conscious person isn’t less smarter or less capable than the person people objectively see as “successful.” In fact, only the people of true insight are aware of the station that the pious and god-conscious person has attained, which is infinitely much higher and could never compare to the gorgeous genius billionaire person. Deadly combo if a person is both, like prophet Yusuf (Joseph) peace be upon him. Allah swt described him as a person of ihsan, and I deeply admire that.
If a person has Allah, and is constantly aware of Allah, then they have everything. This person can never be lost or defeated. If a person only fears God and not people, then nobody can stop them. May Allah make us fear Him alone and not anyone or anything else. Ameen. Also… guyyyysss!!! I don’t love promoting myself but I published a book called Microdosing Insanity. It’s available on Amazon. Just so you know beforehand, it’s an unfinished work. Ummm… so, yeah! Stay safe, love you, and love and peace for all!