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Progress is slow, but it is inevitable. Today, I feel very behind in life. I’m not where I want to be. I’m not comparing myself to anyone, alhamdulilah, but the younger version of myself had so many expectations for how my life was supposed to be. Alhamdulilah, I’m not the same the person I was at the start of the year. I need to remind myself that slow progress is *still* progress. I also don’t want to be the type of person who blows up overnight. I don’t want my blog or newsletter to blow up overnight, as it wasn’t meant to be for everyone.
It’s very easy for me to be hard on myself because no one knows the standards and metrics I have set up for myself and my life. Also, since nobody I know in real life knows about YOU ARE NOT HERE FOR YOU, it can feel lonely sometimes. I don’t have anyone to talk to about what I write. Nobody knows that I’m working on creating my first newsletter. I guess you do, dear reader!
The first issue of my paid newsletter, YOU ARE NOT HERE FOR YOU, will be sent out on the first of May. I plan on sending out one on the first of every month, insha’Allah. The newsletter subscription costs $5 per month, and it is going to feature letters, reflections, essays, as well as personal and detailed reviews of the books I’ve read each month. Ummm… sooo… yeah! If you feel like it, I hope you subscribe, dear reader. If not, no pressure. You’re welcome to stick with my free weekly articles!
Let’s switch topics. I have recently noticed that some people invite disaster into their lives. This type of individual is very negative, and sooner or later, everyone leaves them because they can’t stand the negativity. When you think of this person, your mind instantly thinks “drama.” They’re either always talking about other people’s drama, or the drama they’ve embroiled themselves in. You’d think this person is a teenager who has a lot of time on their hands, but even if they are, this person never outgrows this quality of theirs. It’s really sad. It’s so unfortunate that this person is so involved with the bad vibes and the negative news of everyone.
I get that it’s very easy for me to talk about this kind of person because I’m not like them. In general, people find it very easy to talk about people’s faults and not their own. I look at people and if I find that they have a negative quality that I don’t have, I think that I’m better than them in that regard. Astagfirullah. I feel terrible, but I have to admit it.
Back to talking about my newsletter! I want to set my intentions straight. I’m starting this project first and foremost with Allah at the forefront of my mind. I have accumulated some debt (student loans), and I desire to pay it off so that I can pursue my islamic studies journey freely, insha’Allah. I want to attend a university at a muslim country, insha’Allah, because I want to deeply and systemically learn about the religion I inherited.
I read St. Augustine’s Confessions for a philosophy class last year, and it broke me down to tears. For so long, I felt so disconnected from my religion. Subhan’Allah, that book revived my spiritually dead heart back to life. I didn’t expect it to, since it was written by a person who was not a Muslim. Obviously, there were moments where I had to mentally cross out some of the things the book was saying because it didn’t align with Islam.
After I finished reading the book, I started sobbing. I went to the Qur’an and read it, cover to cover. I used the quran.com website, so I was listening to the recitation, as well as reading the arabic and English translation side by side, alhamdulilah. Which reminds me to say: May Allah swt immensely reward the individual(s) who made the website/app. It was super beneficial for me on my road back to islam, and it still is, alhamdulilah.
I realized about a year ago that I did not deeply know and understand anything about Allah swt and the beautiful deen of Islam that He prescribed for us. So, insha’allah, the YOU ARE NOT HERE FOR YOU newsletter is going to find it’s way to those who love Him. I pray that you, dear reader, unite with me on the day of Judgement for our love of Allah. Ameen.